A Little About Love

This weekend, I attended a retreat lead by Brennan Manning. Four sessions later, I find myself reflective, with a renewed understanding of how thoroughly and deeply I am loved by my Abba...and how everything else pales in comparison. The sessions were intimate, maybe 100 or so people, and together we were discipled by this brother who posesses an unmatched passion for the transforming love of Jesus. He's pretty old and there were moments when I feared his gusto just might give him a heart attack! I am still processing all the insights, but here are a few that have stuck with me...

* I am LOVEd as I am, not as I should be
* My primary identity is being Abba's child
* Jesus is LOVE whether I am in a state of grace or disgrace
* The meaning of our religion is LOVE
* LOVE one another as I have LOVEd you

Brennan is humble, witty, and transparent...I could not help but be attracted to him. He exudes freedom, grace, and love and he claims this is because he knows his Abba and knows who he is...Abba's child.

I highly recommend The Ragamuffin Gospel if you've never read one of his books. (Just wanted to mention that I now own a signed copy!)

Where's the off button?

Cayla (my roomie) really ministered to my heart this morning. She arranged to have us borrow two bikes from some friends in Huntington Beach and we road from their house down to Corona Del Mar and back. I had so much fun trying to avoid being run over, taking in the beautiful views, riding the ferry, and hanging out with a great friend. The pictures don't really do it justice, but it really couldn't have been a more gorgeous day.

I have been feeling so blah. My sister and Jay left this week and I've just really been feeling their absence and thinking a lot about my friendships. Who are my friends? Who would consider me their friend? What friendships do I really want to work to keep deepening? What ones am I okay to step back from? I really wish there was an off button to this brain of mine in times like these. :) So Cayla's tour of the beautiful Southern California coast allowed my brain to rest and I was able to step outside of my blahhness. It was just what I needed!

Yes, I am alive

Wow! It has been a long time since I've posted. For all of you that were wondering, I am alive. If you are reading this, I am amazed at your perseverance. You still check in despite my extended silence.

This summer has been busy with vacations, birthdays, summer school, and job hunting. Summer is officially over as I start my new job on Tuesday. No, I will not be teaching. I was hired to be an educational therapist for the Center for Learning and Behavior Solutions. Basically, I will be working one-on-one with special needs students on their school sites. I am really excited for it seems that this position will really utilize my strengths and my experiences. We'll see how it goes.

The goal is to work this year, pay off my car, and save money. If things go as planned, I will be entering a clinical psychology program in Fall of '08. Just thinking about it gets me pumped!

On a side note, my nephew, Jeremiah, has been in my life a lot more recently (he lived in Oklahoma his first two years because that is where my brother went to school and has now moved home). I just wanted to say that being an aunt is the best thing in the world. I don't have to fight with him to finish his dinner. I don't have to clean up his messes. I don't have to discipline him. I simply get to play with him and enjoy him and then give him back to his mom and dad once he gets ornery. It's a pretty sweet deal...for me at least! :)

School's Out!

On Friday I took down all the cheesy teaching posters, packed up my desk plant, turned in my keys and said a final farewell to the office staff at Buena Vista. As I drove toward home, I felt such a mix of excitement (the school year was complete and I had survived and even thrived at times!) and sadness (I missed my kids so much already). Somewhere amidst the all the struggles that were had in room C-2, my students had come to occupy a very special place in this heart of mine. On the day before finals, I told each class that I loved them and showed them a slideshow of pictures I had taken throughout the year. Let's just say I teared up in every class.

That night, Linds picked me up and we went to BJ's where we were met by Jason, Laura, and eventually, Joanna, all key players in my support system this year. Over yummy spinach-artichoke pizza and a Berry-Burst beer, I got to thank each of them for the roles they played in walking with me through this intense last year. It was such a sweet evening that I will never forget.

Made Me Smile

The Master Plan

I don't know about you, but "the master plan" for my life is always being modified in ways that I would have never guessed. Sometimes I am fine with the detours. Other times I am left feeling disappointed or confused or angry.

Five years ago, I would have thought that at this point in my life, I would be married and loving my career and maybe thinking about kidlets. None of these are the current reality, however, and I am learning (slowly it seems) how it really looks to embrace today. To embrace and run with all that has been entrusted to me. This type of living takes a lot of trust. Trusting in God's goodness and timing and provision...not always the most natural thing for me.

The current master plan has me resigning my teaching position so that I can go back to school full time to study clinical psychology. As I set out on this new journey, I find myself feeling excitement, mixed with fear. Is this really where God is directing? Am I being irresponsible? I guess as I continue to talk with God and my core community, I may decide that the master plan could use some work, but I am coming to expect that now. :)

White Girl on a Mission

Apparently one of the English teachers showed the film Freedom Writers in class this week, as several of my students told me that I remind them of the teacher in it. Wanting to find out if this was complimentory or not, I rented it last night to see for myself. I found that not only were my students giving me a wonderful compliment, but they were right!

The experiences of Erin Gruwell do not flawlessly parallel my own, but my goodness, in watching the film, I did feel that I had met a soulmate who understood both internal and literal battles involved in teaching the students of Los Angeles. One of my favorite scenes is Erin's first day of school. As I watched it, I just laughed because I knew EXACTLY how she felt. I wanted to tell her, "It does get better. Just give it time...a lot of time." It's May of my second year and it is only now where I am finally comfortable in my role. There are many days where I even enjoy it.

For those of you that do not know, I teach Algebra to 11th and 12th grade students at a continuation high school in Paramount, CA.

Here goes nothing

Lindsey and I were talking about how hard it is for us to talk about daily life stuff and not feel like total bores. We both agree, however, that when we are reading about other people's trips to Starbucks or new baby teeth or what was had for dinner, we really enjoy it. This blog site will be good for me to practice this awkward task and hopefully help me stay in better contact with people who live so very far and so cannot see the day to day happenings. If you're at all interested, stay tuned!